I've come a long way since the raucous pots and pans and "2010" party hats from the last New Year.
In many ways I've stayed the same, but nobody really dwells on these aspects, do they? So let me detail the funny (and not-so-funny) advances/detractions that have shaped the girl sitting here, typing this.
1. High School --> College. College life has made me sassier and more inclined to stay up extremely late. It has also given me a new appreciation of elevators, and of food.
2. Vegetarianism. I don't really know when this happened, but it was surely some time after watching Food, Inc. and spending countless hours researching our disgusting meat industry. Not only do I feel much more awake because of this, but also more alive. I can't explain it, but vegetarianism had a profound impact on my personal choices, on my stomach (well I can explain that one), on my mindset.
3. Contacting Mr. Hurst. First time in...three years? I thought that, transitioning to college life, I needed closure. We spent a couple of hours on the phone asking and answering questions, catching up, etc. After I hung up, I went outside for a long run and felt like a huge weight had been lifted (even though it's cliche, this is totally the truth). This man has impacted my life in SO MANY WAYS, from my music choice to my handwriting. After talking to him, I was finally able to let go of a lot of regret, self-loathing and, yes, mild hatred.
4. Friends. I can say a lot about this. I have made friends whom I know will be my friends for a long time to come. The friendships that weren't going to survive, didn't. And those golden friends, the old ones, are the best friends I could hope for. Wow. I mean I know I'm introverted, and maybe I don't say it enough, but my friends mean the world to me. I've also recently made some new friends and am very excited to see where the world takes us.
5. Love. I thought I was in love. Perhaps I was, at the time. But looking back, I understand that the relationship I was in would not have survived. I wish that I didn't have to hurt anyone. But I don't want to be the girl who has second thoughts at her wedding. I don't want to be in a relationship just because of time, and because of other things that are beyond my control. It was the best choice, I am very confident in that, but led to a lot of bad choices on my part.
6. Boys. There are one, maybe two boys who I trust with my life and who I love dearly. The rest...eh. I don't think I am a good rebounder. Hence the bad choices comment above. First, there was half-Indian Nom Nom, who I'm ashamed to admit was nothing more than stupidity. Doesn't want to be in a committed relationship-- check! Drinks and smokes frequently-- check! He was a real winner. Honestly, he's a great friend though. And we had fun, I suppose. We wrestled, went on some dates, spent a lot of late nights watching King of the Hill, walked Ollie, played soccer. Then, there was J___ the Jalapeno on a stick. I'm still smarting from this wound, so we'll just say he's a player and leave it at that.
7. Living by myself. I have increased my independence tenfold. I cook for myself, I clean up after myself, I choose when I need to do homework, when I need to meditate, what I need to do next, etc. etc. I am very proud of my accomplishments in this area, and I can only hope that I continue to learn and grow.
8. The continuance of poetry. I'm SO GLAD I took creative writing class, because I admittedly stopped writing for a good while. I think it was because I was too comfortable. And you might say, there's no such thing as being too comfortable. But there is. I was so comfortable that I was unhappy. And so I just stopped writing, which sucks. Just like a soccer player getting his leg amputated (okay maybe not that drastic but it's the only way I can describe it. It hurt, like a lost limb. It was full of longing), I felt like I was missing such a huge part of myself and it was hindering me from expressing my emotions. I bottled up a lot of things, without my poetry. And now I have this fancy blog, I have my left-handed pen, I've got my favorite Miquelrius notebooks and I'm set for life.
9. Reuniting with my family. When I say family here, I mean my Aunt and my cousins. They came back from Florida, and I just wanted to cry. I hope that the New Year brings more opportunities for me to reunite with them. I miss them more than imaginable. For a while there, I was visiting Uncle Mike's grave and just crying, asking him why my family had to go through all of this. Now I understand that Uncle Mike's death created in me a huge passion for suicide prevention and awareness, has created a bond with my family that is stronger than ever, and has created obstacles that have overall made me a more open person.
10. Meditation. Other than getting caught by the police with Nigam in Holiday Park after hours meditating...umm...I think meditation has had an extremely positive effect on me. I have really embraced my spirituality. I know who I am, what I believe, and why I believe it. Generally, I have become an even more accepting person. I like being able to sit and appreciate the things around me. I also like sharing this time with others.
11. There are so many more parts of myself that have amplified, that have diminished, but I'll leave it at that :D
Happy New Year (almost) and hopefully you can go into 2011 with hope for wonderful things :)
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