As for the quote, it is not direct. I read it somewhere and it made me think.
"I'm sure you have a strong friendship, but for him, it's not as new as it is for you."
We are all creatures of habit, we follow routines that are hard to break (why would we want to break them, anyway?). Is the same true of our choices in friends, in love interests?
The sad truth is that I follow a frightening routine in males. It's unconscious, I'm sure. But I act on some strange attractions. I am perhaps most enthralled with hair (which is not uncommon, I think), but also tend to be attracted to those who use illegal substances, who are of foreign descent, and who are as strange as myself (which means he must meditate/attend poetry slams/drink chai tea religiously/like philosophy/a number of other things). Unfortunately, I always find myself in the same situation with each of this type of person-- I end up broken hearted, which is a routine in itself. Others surely follow similar routines. One of my ex-boyfriends uses the same line with every girl he's with..."I'm not perfect". Well duh. I think we all knew that. He also ends up losing every girl he goes after. No coincidence there.
Perhaps what I'm wondering is, am I just another routine for someone? Another tally in the grand scheme of things? However much I would like to be the exception, I'm afraid that I'm not.
In friendships, I cherish every individual. The relationships we share are like nothing I've experienced before, and will not experience again. I will never know another Chelsea Terrell or Joe Lyon or Chelsea Beck in my life, even if I tried. I can not replace my friends with others. So when I heard this it made me think. Life is a cycle, a constant flux of birth and death and summer and winter and fall and spring and happiness and sadness. Could not the same be true of friends, of love? We lose something and try to regain it with another similar thing. This is not ill-intentioned or even deceptive...it simply is. Another example of the cyclical nature of humans.
So when I feel something that I think is "new" to me...what does that mean? It very obviously is not mutual, but does that really matter? I'm lucky enough to feel it once, and I may never feel it again. So I cling to it with everything I have, while simultaneously trying to act indifferent to it. What an interesting thought.
My mind is all jumbled at the moment (this probably has to do with the fact that it's 2:30 a.m. and I'm incredibly tired) and I don't think I'm making much sense.
But those are my thoughts for the moment. And NOW it is most certainly bedtime.
And by the way, the number is 8. I'm so incredibly curious to see what it would be like.
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